Time does not heal you, you heal you.
Self-Ease starts here...
Time does not heal you, you heal you.
Self-Ease starts here...
5 STRENGTHS FACTS YOU OUGHT TO KNOW
Whether your good at....
Problem solving ~ Helping others ~ Match making ~ Creating from scratch ~ Good with animals ~ Charging through with powers you didn't even know existed or all of the above. Focusing on your strengths instead of dwelling on your weaknesses is all important in reaching your goals and desires.
As we spring forward and leave winter behind, does the realisation that were already almost a quarter of the way through 2018 bring chills or cheers? Have you crossed off your New Year checklist or have you barely scratched the surface of your to-do list?
Strengths can be defined as “a pre-existing capacity for a particular way of behaving, thinking, or feeling that is authentic and energizing to the user, and enables optimal functioning, development and performance” (Linley, 2008, p.9).
Ever experienced that person who you just can't take seriously because their always joking around?
Taking humour as an example, there is a time and a place where it works well. Humour can be an effective strength in diffusing a potentially messy situation, but overuse can lead to potential harm.
Always leaning towards you jokes and punchlines can cause people to turn away or not take you seriously.
Humour can also be deployed as a coping mechanism used to deflect or avoid necessary conflict.
Unlike a skill or talent, a strength should be something your good at but also something you enjoy and create an enthused feel when being used. By that I mean it should be something that a person can switch on and off to their advantage. The awareness of its use can lead to better quality of relationships, careers, businesses and overall general happiness.
Just like a muscle, if you don't use it you may lose it. An unused strength is like one of those Christmas gifts you enjoyed receiving but don't actually use. Think of those soaps you add to your stash which are either out collecting dust on your dresser or in the bathroom cupboard for use at a later date that never comes.
Not utilizing your assets is a huge waste. Think of everything you have missed out on or could have done better had you used your strengths to your advantage.
This 'unawareness', also dubbed 'strength blindness' or 'the taking strengths for granted effect' is had by two thirds of people. Now this is (according to research carried out (Linley, 2008)) means that only a third of us are taking advantage of something that can increase our mental wellbeing and thus improve our lives.
Most people go about their day getting on with things and using skills and talents without recognition of the strengths that are also at play. It could be that you've never learned to recognize or appreciate them in yourself.
An example of strength blindness - when you're told how good you are at something or given a compliment but shrug it off or reject it. This is because you're so used to doing it, that it feels ordinary, so the thought that your said action is a strength is outside of your conscious awareness.
Research suggests that optimizing ones strengths is linked to higher levels of well-being.
Here are some of the benefits of becoming aware of and utilizing your strengths.
Leveraging strength is not fixing weakness. It can be difficult to know where to start.
If your ready to learn about your strengths and jump into the next 'Let's Talk Strengths' online interactive course then click the button below.
As of the date of this post next training begins April 2nd, so click on the button below to reserve your spot.
Contact me to find out how my life-coaching service can help you include strength building as part of your overall efforts to live a life you love and for the next course start date.
This guide will help to clarify some important points often asked during my consultations. Find out if counselling or coaching may be the thing you need to help make that desired shift.
In this video you will discover:
01:16 - The most common questions people have around coaching.
01:40 - The difference between counselling and coaching. Is one better than the other?
08:04 - Will coaching work for me?
13:00 - Why people need coaches.
17:44 - Why you should choose KDCC to work with. That's me!
20.52 - Next Steps! - Please click the button below to book your free transformation consultation to discuss how personal mentoring or one of my courses can work for you or email me at email@example.com for more information.
Suicide is still very much a touchy and taboo subject. It's important to talk about this topic with our children and the youth in our communities, so we convey solidarity and a willingness to be supportive. Here are some tips on how to broach this often difficult subject with the youth in your life.
Five tips for parents or caregivers on how to talk to their child about suicide?
please note: these answers are relevant to providing a child with information for educational purposes only. If your child is at risk, contact a crisis centre immediately.
1) Be open about your level of knowledge. Don't avoid the conversation because you don't feel you have enough information. Actually acknowledge that the subject of Suicide is real and important to you and something you would like to learn more about. It could be something that you learn about together.
2) Ask a child directly if they know what suicide is. Listen to what they say and ask them if they have any thoughts or questions. When they respond, say thank you, and if you're unable to answer them clearly tell them that you will get the answers to their questions.
3) Let them know that sometimes people feel so overwhelmed they don't want to live anymore and find it difficult to admit that or share their feelings. Mention this is the case for both adults and children so the child knows this is a human issue and not age specific.
4) Convey a non-judgmental attitude (which hopefully you have). Never let them feel that suicide is 'wrong' or 'bad' as this may affect how they see you. You want them to feel that you are a trusted source, any hints of judgement and a child may be more inclined to hide things.
5) Ask them if they have ever felt overwhelmed (use age appropriate words) or sad and how they deal with it. This is super important as Mental Health issues are the cause of the majority of suicides period.
6) If they ask why you're asking, say that you saw an article or a report and you were curious. Say that it's an important subject for children and adults and you wanted to know their thoughts. This way it will seem more general so the child doesn't feel you suspect them of thinking about suicide. End with letting them know you're there to talk about anything at all.
-Say the word 'Suicide' or 'People killing themselves'. As hard as it sounds, it's a serious and sad subject and any swaying around with words may suggest that you're uncomfortable with the topic which may be picked up on.
I'm not suggesting being stoic or nonchalant, in fact show emotion and be truthful with how tough or sad the subject is. Lead by example. It is the hope that open communication leads to a reduction in suicide.
-Also, contact your principals and parent/teacher boards and advocate for more suicide awareness to be brought into your child's school, especially at high school level.
My caveat to all of the above is this. If you have limited knowledge, find out as much as you can before leading a conversation. If you suspect a child is at risk, contact your local crisis centre or someone who is ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training) certified to speak with the child. There should be at least one person at the school trained to provide this help and contrary to popular belief, it may not always be the school counsellor.
"Talking is a life saving activity."
Why is it important for kids to know about suicide?
Although there have been cases of suicide amongst children 5-9 years of age, Suicide is the highest cause of death amongst teens in high income countries such as Canada, UK and the U.S . Due to the internet and social media children are exposed to more bullying, adult content and suicide ideation more than ever before. Suicide is rarely something that happens quickly and without any signs.
When should kids know about suicide?
This isn't a straightforward answer, but from my experience, this is my take.
Children today are extremely exposed to events and topics of an adult nature from such an early age. The reason something is classified as adult is because it has been deemed that a certain maturity level is required in order to receive 'said' information. Immature, developing minds are not capable of processing the same kind of information a more mature, experienced mind can as adequately. Having experienced incidents relating to suicide in primary school children, I feel its difficult to arrive at a definite cut off age. That being said, it comes down to knowing the emotional maturity level of the child and support available.
However, if this subject is brought to you or an event witnessed by a young child either directly or indirectly, then it is my opinion that the subject is talked about immediately. I would say that every child should be made aware of this topic from age 10 and before if the above is true. If you don't feel comfortable doing it alone, please seek help or contact me for in-person or over the phone help.
Talking is a life saving activity. Being open and unafraid to deal with things that don't feel good is great role modelling. Never forget the influence you may have on a young person who is watching. To hide or ignore serious issues only leads to suffering ultimately.
A 1/2 day workshop called 'safeTALK' is available for groups to learn more about suicide awareness and is for everyone in the community, not just people who work with people at risk. This will provide the basic knowledge on how to approach someone and provide the initial steps of what to do. There are several trainers around the world and im sure that there are other organisations that cover this topic that provide resources. I received my training from https://www.livingworks.net/ . If anyone needs resources for themselves or to give to a client you can use the link or contact me for more information on how to hold a group training session.
Centers of Disease Control and Prevention & World Health Organisation
Special New Year Offer For New Clients!!
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,Sometimes we hold emotions that are considered low vibrational and this causes us to feel bad about ourselves.
These feelings are generated from the thoughts we have in our minds at any given time.
Not only do we feel bad but we tell ourselves some awful things and feed into our thoughts to the point where we stay stuck and wonder if things will ever change. Poor me. Yes, poor you.
Im here to tell you YES, IT CAN!
Things can change if you change what you do and firstly what you think. Take some action TODAY to start getting to the roots of your emotional pains.
If you find yourself procrastinating, self-medicating, pushing loved ones away, staying in the background or generally putting your own spanner in your works, then chances are your sabotaging yourself.
Contracted states such as Shame, Guilt, Apathy, Grief, Fear, Desire, Anger etc are all ways our amazing bodies let us know that a change is needed and that something we are doing is hindering our progress.
Pay attention to how often you feel contracted. Is it monthly, weekly or even worse daily?
So how does being contracted feel?
Contraction feels like a deep unwanted feeling rooted in our gut. If this is all to familiar and especially if this is a place you visit frequently then work is not only necessary but vital to your very existence. (Deep, yes. True, double yes)
Low and High Energy
Here's some graphic metaphors for those of you who like that sort of thing.
Low energy - Imagine a dark, dingy, scary basement where the murders happen and bodies are kept. (yes, I said it)
Then think of the places people go to see the views, the skylines or to be or feel 'on top of the world' somewhere like the CN tower or a mountain top with a sea view.
Anyway, the point being made is that you rise, go up, aim for a higher place to feel better.
Why learn how to change states?
Being in a more expanded state allows for clarity and more importantly the attraction of things and/or people that will help keep you in that state more often. With further work and some effort, blocks can be removed so you procrastinate less, find your flow and attract your desires instead of always being in a place of desiring and never getting it. Being expanded helps with whatever it is that is causing your life to be in stalemate or worse the feeling your just existing..YIKES! No thanks.
Changing your Vibration
Part 1: Awareness Exercise
1) Write down the headings Guilt, Anger and Shame and other emotions you may feel you are holding on to in regards to a particular incident, relationship or a state you experience often. (use the energy chart above for help).
2) Underneath each, write down the thoughts you get associated with that feeling.
i.e. Anger - Im an idiot. I can't do anything right.
3) Now label each thoughts intensity. Use checks, so three checks for a strong thought, 2 for a medium and 1 for 'it's there but not strong'.
By strong I mean, which thought creates a more intense feeling, causes it to be more prominent (loud). Listen to your body for this exercise.
Pay attention to any throbbing, tingling, vibrating.
4) At night, review this sheet. Think about anything that has happened in your day which refutes any of the thoughts you have written down. For example, it could be something you did, something that was said to you, something you told yourself about you or anything else that springs to mind. Then in a different colour, put a cross next to those checks. i.e. Today I was commended for an excellent job on the project.
5) Use that to build a set of positive affirmations on a separate piece of paper which you repeat 5 times a day before you go to bed or when you wake up. i.e. Im an amazing, intelligent person.
This really is the start to gaining some awareness of the things that are contributing to the current state of your life as you know it.
So make LOVE and not WAR with your body.
Surrender as opposed to resist what it tells you on a daily basis. Surrendering to yourself is not losing, it's in fact winning. Winning the war life can often feel like.
If you need help with anything going on for you click here to contact me and find out how counselling or coaching services can help.
Human beings, aren't we an amazing species! We learn, we love, we play, we fight, we feel, we grow, we choose.
Feeling out of balance, whack or 'off' is common in todays world. Now, that doesn't mean that people back in the day were always on top of the world. Different environments no doubt brought different challenges. However, there is an undeniable trend of people noticing that the status quo just isn't working for them, speaking up and seeking help. The notion of 'heaven' isn't enough to satisfy and provide peace anymore for many.
Things we had fed into us from people and places such as relatives, school and church for example when we were young were accepted and believed. How many children were brave or aware enough to challenge this?
When we become an adult, our beliefs sometimes become skewed and incongruent with our feelings and thoughts as the mind attempts to make sense of things as we know it.
In order to achieve a congruent life we must first go through our 'stuff'. Commitment to ourselves to explore, learn, grow and alter things needs to come first before change is possible. Unresolved and unfinished business can wreak havoc on our unconscious mind. Therapy in its many forms can help to gain new perspectives and create new ways of being.
Self-Disclosure in counselling is when a therapist reveals personal information about themselves. It can be deliberate or unintentional, verbal or non verbal.
Verbally, a therapist can talk about an experience they have had or are having. It could be mentioning something about their lives like being married, having children or it could be about an experience they have had as a child or their own healing journey for example. This type of disclosure is called Extra-Session Disclosure as the topics relate to life events and experiences that occurred outside of the session. Often following a question or out of therapist choice.
Another form of deliberate disclosure which is usually therapist initiated, relates to the counsellors feelings of the client and the therapeutic progress itself. This is called Intra-Session Disclosure. For example. A therapist may say something like 'I notice you've been very quiet during our last few session and i'm wondering if i've done anything to facilitate this?'.
As well as verbal disclosures there are many objects or things that reveal personal information about a therapist non-verbally. Intentionally or un-intentionally, therapists reveal information about themselves. For example, the counselling space could have family photos or a trophy won for a hobby. They could receive a compliment and state that they love a certain colour.
As my approach is one that derives from more humanistic psychological theories my opinion on this subject is based on my
feelings as a person, a women, a counsellor, a friend, a mother, a daughter, a wife, simply put a human being. This sense of
being at one with the client and meeting them where they are at are important factors in creating a safe and connected space, enhancing the work being done in and out of the session. I believe that self-disclosure if done right can be beneficial to the overall therapeutic process. All that being said, let's look at what should occur prior to self-discloser being
introduced into the session before going into the topic further.
Basic empathy requires a person to understand and recognise what the other person is feeling. Having awareness of the emotions of another person as if 'being in their shoes'. Not to be confused with feeling sorry or pity. If your busy thinking, 'poor them, their so unfortunate' this is sympathy.
Moving further, advanced empathy takes things up a notch and requires a deeper more intuitive level of understanding.
An attunement to clients feelings not yet verbalized. The ability to be with another person and convey what you notice from their body language or from what you have connected between the lines of their verbal and often non-verbal cues.
As therapists, we should have done the work necessary so we can ensure that any disclosure is of benefit to the client and the counselling process. Our own self-awareness and ethical exploration of disclosure should be carried out.
Here are 3 things to ask yourself as a client and a counsellor.
Questions for Counsellors
1) Are my experiences similar to my clients and what feelings are coming up for me?
Any unresolved feelings or unfinished business coming up for you during session can impede the counselling process and may lead to countertransference.
2) Is what i'm going to say of benefit to my client and how?
Consider the impact of your disclosure. Depending on your approach, you may view self-disclosure as unnecessary or counter-productive. It's important to know where you stand so that when faced with a question from a client that calls for disclosure you know how to react so that the answer is authentic and will illicit understanding and not offence or confusion.
3) Is this something the client does regularly?
What is the underlying need behind your clients questions? It could be the need to feel normal, validated, inspiration that their current status can change. If this is the case, maybe something is missing and more validation, normalization or paraphrasing is needed to name a few. Or is it a way for your client to stall, avoid talking about themselves or could there be transference in motion?
What to do
-Seek help from your supervisor
-Revisit study materials and watch training videos
-Discuss with your peers in group sessions/forums
This is something we will go through at some point. Being aware of it is the most important thing. As therapists, the aim should be to continue to learn and improve ourselves as we go along to better serve clients and ourselves.
Questions to ask yourself as a client
1) Does your therapist remind you of someone close past or present?
Whilst this can be the case. The thing to be aware of is your emotional connection to the person in question. Was/is the relationship a healthy one? Is there any resentment, anger, mistrust that was experienced with them.
Unknowingly, you could be transferring unresolved feelings towards the counsellor which may stall your progress. If you feel this may be the case bring it up to your counsellor (if they haven't already :-) )
2) Do you find yourself wanting to be in your counsellors presence all the time?
This could be good thing, as the counsellor must be having a positive impact. If you feel that the time spent is helping you reach your goals then the connection to your therapist is strong and productive. Your counsellor could be the first and only person who listens, understands and really gets you. This intimacy can be so strong that it mimics a romantic relationship. Couple things here a) it is a real relationship. It's a real therapeutic one however. It's likely you have great admiration and gratitude for the person helping you through your healing journey. b) Sometimes feelings go beyond friendship, become romantic and even make appearances in your fantasies. This is normal and not as uncommon as you may think. Discuss this with your counsellor, they should be able to explore without judgement and discuss the reality of the situation.
3) Why is it important for me to know about my counsellor outside of their profession?
It's not uncommon to become curious about your counsellor. Some are more forthcoming then others, as are interactions outside of the therapy world. If you are asking simply out of curiosity and just that, understand that different therapists have different sharing styles. Self-disclosure may not me something that your counsellor believes is productive.
So what now...?
- Understand that the feeling of closeness is inevitable on the road to healing. People can get close fast especially in an environment that facilitates openness, empathy and unconditional positive regard. Intimacy is something we as human beings crave. Understanding what intimacy is and our relationship to it should be a point of exploration. A good therapist should understand and be able to help you with getting your needs met outside of sessions. Try not to judge yourself for having feelings.
- Review the forms you received at the beginning of your session regarding the therapeutic process. Remind yourself what therapy is and what it isn't. This can help you to get back to a place of knowing that therapy is about guidance, support and education.
-Be open to discuss this with your therapist and try not to take any non-disclosure personal. If this is impeding your connection and you feel that the therapy isn't quite working for you then maybe its time to move on. After discussing this with your therapist if you are still not satisfied with the therapy in general you are within your rights to find the counsellor thats the right fit for you. This doesn't necessarily mean 'easy' but allows for work to continue.
Therapy is a two way street. It's a therapeutic relationship that is only as healthy as the sum of two parts. Both parties have responsibilities to themselves and each other. I write this with the intention that both client and counsellor alike can sit on the same page as it were and see themselves first as human beings before anything else. Asking ourselves important questions acts as a check in. It highlights areas of improvement and exploration and reminds us of what were doing right.
As long as our disclosure is focused and relevant to the client, is kept to a minimum and delivered from a place of education and not from an unloading perspective. Self-Disclosure can be a helpful way to show validation, reduce any power imbalance and build rapport and trust.
Credits for Images Used - www.pixabay.com
Inspiration from http://www.opencolleges.edu.au/careers/blog/self-disclosure-in-counselling
Ever asked yourself any of these questions and are still searching for the answer?
- What is freedom?
- Ever wondered about the meaning of life and why we are here?
- Is (enter the religion born into) somehow not giving you the answers?
- Do those early teachings received relating to life and love leave you more confused?
- Why am I this way?
- Why do I feel stuck with the same things always happening to me?
So where do we begin. If you have asked yourself any of the questions above a good start would be to read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's a wonderful introduction for people who have decided that they want something more from life but are lost or have no idea where to even start. Off course this is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how deep things go but we all need to start somewhere.
This book helps me on a daily basis and can help you too. If you like it please share with your family and friends so they too can receive some enlightenment.
What I liked about this book
I especially enjoyed the lightness of the text and layout. Sometimes books can seem intimidating and feel like a chore even before you've read past the introduction. This is one of those books that I call an easy read. Each chapter is thought provoking and relates to all human beings regardless of your race,creed,nationality,gender or economical status. While it doesn't answer everything it kick starts the journey into self-discovery and ultimately a life where we can regain more control over our thoughts and actions.
Then comes the hard part, incorporating the teachings into your daily life. Many of us will need help and further support as it will no doubt bring up many more questions and feelings that may need exploring. If you would like an online or in-person session feel free to contact me. If you have read the book please comment and let me know one of the ways in affected you.
Available online from retailers and amazon. (click image below)
After signing up for Christie Marie Sheldon's Unlimited Abundance course via Mind Valley Academy I completed an audio on clearing fundamental blocks and want to share my profound and deeply personal cathartic experience.
'Energy' - not the kind connected with stamina and fuel but the invisible forces that are above, below, around and inside us has always been a topic of curiosity and the more I learn about and explore the world of metaphysics the more intrigued I become. After recently watching the latest Star Wars movie the words 'may the force be with you' resonated in a completely different way to when I was a child hearing the same 'line'.
People of different faiths have at least one all important thing in common - A FORCE. A mighty, caring, gentle, forgiving, powerful, magnificent, creative energy, named or nameless. Scientifically, the stuff which makes all things including us humans are elements, on a more molecular level, atoms. So guess we are all made of stardust in some way but this doesn't mean I think this was all a giant explosion, we are far too intricate and magnificent to be 'an accident'.
So anyway, I'll get on with the original topic as getting side tracked in the black-hole-like realm of religion and science would need more coffee then I could obtain from the whole of South America. So putting a lid on that I will state that when the topic of religion comes up in conversation relating to my personal connection to it my response is that I am Simply Spiritual.
Esotericism also known as Spiritual Energy is a phenomenon that's creating waves across the world. Despite the lack of scientific back up, there is a rise in consciousness that is undeniable. In fact, science is playing catch up and finding links between mediation and science. Please read to the end for more on this.
I was perhaps 21 years of age when I saw the ripple and began to take an interest in something other than the religion of my baptism and schooling. Feeling like there was something missing, something that didn't feel quite right, I began to open my eyes to read between the lines and decided to accept only what resonated with me. I mean really resonated on a deeper level, so If I read, heard or saw something that touched my soul or altered me in a way that shifted my thinking I held it to form beliefs of my own. I felt enlightened you could say. Imagine a blank canvas titled 'My Beliefs' author 'Your Name' instead of your parents or society. Now that doesn't mean my beliefs were concrete but it did mean that I allowed myself to be curious, open and most of all create my own reality, after all, it was my life.
Moving forward after countless hours of learning, meditating and experiencing, I believe that our bodies are made up of the physical, the parts that move, require fuel, grow, carry and repair (physical), the parts that think, analyze, determine and memorize (mental) and the part that feels, holds, believes, and loves (spirit/soul). Our spirit is the energy that flows into our bodies at birth and is larger than our physical bodies. This space is known as our energy field. It exists in and around our human forms, our Aura's.
I recently had a powerful and amazing experience so wanted to share and also convey gratitude. I completed my morning mediation followed by Christie's Clearing Block Audio. I began the clearing process while listening to a 528hz Love Chakra audio of my own choosing. When I got to one particular block pertaining to one of my Dads beliefs I wept profusely and felt a huge shift. I then felt a warmth in my tummy/uterus area and felt the need to cradle as if a baby was in there. I allowed myself to continue and then realized that I was in there! I was being reborn and renewed as I let go of a belief that I didnt even realize I was holding on to.
Now without going into too much detail, this experience has been an enlightenment. I have a clearer awareness
on something that my body was holding onto in this area and have chosen to explore it further. In experiencing this, I was also reminded that I have the power to do what I need to for my own healing journey as does everyone else who believes that they can. The work that we do on ourselves allows us to move towards a lighter existence where we can flow. Clearing our inner space of debris makes way for the joy and peace we all deserve to feel in this life and beyond.
Are you having a persistent problem with an area in your body, hereditary or ongoing? Click Here for a great article I found on the meanings of Chakra Colours. Perhaps there is something stuck that needs addressing. Our bodies are amazing communicators, listen to it, honour it, and don't forget to give thanks for all it does for you.
Click for more on Scientific Reasons Why You Should Meditate
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201309/20-scientific-reasons-start-meditating-today - Emma Seppala, Ph.D - 7 Feb 17
http://www.color-meanings.com - Jacob - 7 Feb 17
Images - Credits to www.pixabay.com
Counsellor, Facilitator and Writer - My aim here is to provide articles which provoke thought into our inner spaces. Our many 'Selves' should be celebrated, nurtured and most of all understood. Who we are when we are by ourselves and with others is paramount to our very existence and evolution. Connect.Support and Heal with KD Self-Ease.